Home Is Where The Heart Is

Mr. Frank: What's new with you, Doll?

Lilly Faye: I've been thinking about going on one of those competition shows on television, Frank. The problem is, I'm multi-talented, so it's hard to decide which show to apply for. I could use your help.

Mr. Frank: You know I'd do anything for you, Doll.

Lilly Faye: The secret to winning is having your own fan base on social media. That way, you have lots of people voting for you right from the start. I figure, with all of my blog followers, I'm sure to win. I just have to pick the right show.

Mr. Frank: Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this.

Lilly Faye: I'm a great dancer. I'm light on my feet, and my pirouettes are perfection, so I would wow them on Dancing With the Stars. I'll bet Derek would love to have me as a partner. I'd make him look good.

Mr. Frank: Uh, huh.

Lilly Faye: But I'm an amazing singer, too. Check this out!

Lilly Faye: (sings) "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On the Bedpost Overnight?"

Ceecee: What was all that caterwauling I heard? Is the Siamese across the street in heat again?

Mr. Frank: I think people who watch singing competitions like newer songs that are charting right now. They call it being relevant. 

Lilly Faye: I can do relevant!

(sings) "Dear Future Husband..."

Lilly Faye: What do you think, Frank?

Mr. Frank: Um, well, to be perfectly honest, Doll, you sing about as well as you drive.

Lilly Faye: I knew you'd like it! Thanks, Frank! 

Mr. Frank: I guess I don't know enough about singing and dancing shows to be of much help to you, Doll. I'm more into cooking competition shows.

Ceecee: Bingo! You'd be a shoo-in for Worst Cooks In America, Lilly Faye.

Lilly Faye: But I don't want to cook. I prefer to be served!

Mr. Frank: One thing I do know, Doll. Regardless of which show you choose, you'll be away from home for weeks, if not months, at a time. I'll really miss you. I don't know if I can stand being away from you that long.

Lilly Faye: Oh, Frank, I hadn't even thought of that! I'd miss my home, and I'd miss you terribly! Maybe being a reality television star wouldn't be much fun, after all. 

Mr. Frank: You're already a star in my book, Doll. You're the sun and the moon, too.

Lilly Faye: Frank, you're the best prize of all!

Lilly Faye: Kiss, kiss.

Mr. Frank: Smooch!