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Thursday, March 5, 2015

Snow: Problem or Pleasure?

Mr. Frank: Sniff, sniff.

Mr. Frank: Can you believe it's starting to snow again, Doll?

Lilly Faye: No. I was hoping we'd seen the last of snow for this year.

Mr. Frank: You mean you don't love it?

Lilly Faye: Not particularly. It's not much fun when you're as short as I am.

Mr. Frank: Hold still, Doll. Let me brush the snow off your back.

Lilly Faye: Thanks, Frank.

Lilly Faye: You can stay out in it as long as you want to, but I'm going back inside.

Mr. Frank: Gosh, I can't imagine not loving snow. I hope this doesn't mean we're incompatible. 

Monday, March 2, 2015

Gone Boy

Dear Readers,

Dizzie, my blog intern, hasn't shown up for work in a week, and he isn't answering his phone. I'm calling his brother Alfie to find out what's going on. I hope Diz isn't sick.

Alfie Cat: No, he hasn't been home either, Lilly Faye. Oddly enough, a big bunch of bananas disappeared at the same time Dizzie did. Maybe he was kidnapped by monkeys.

Lilly Faye: Now I'm really worried about Diz. It's so cold outside, anything could have happened to him. I'm calling his best pals, Doodle and Mac.

Meanwhile, in a newly discovered corner of his neighborhood...

Dizzie: Just what a young buck like me needs, my own bachelor pad! No more having to share with Alfie. I can turn off my electronic leash, a.k.a. my cell phone, and come and go as I please. I should have thought of this ages ago!

Back at Search Central...

Lilly Faye: Hello, Frank? Doodle said he'll search the beach, and Mac is going to hike The Trail and check the lake.

You know how Diz likes to lay in the snow. He could have fallen asleep, and been buried when a snow plow came by!

Mr. Frank: Don't you worry, Doll. I'll go out and personally dive into every mound of snow in the area. We'll find him.


Dizzie: This igloo is great! It has everything a dog could possibly want...a futon, a microwave, even a big screen TV. If only my Wi-Fi signal didn't go on the fritz every time I use the blender to make smoothies, it would be perfect.

Lilly Faye: I wish I had been able to pay Diz for his work here at the blog. Maybe then he would have taken his job more seriously. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Dizzie: Maybe I'll phone my out-of-town girlfriend Willow, and invite her down here for a few days. We could do some catching up!

(A blender whirrs.)

Lilly Faye: Hello, Cali? The more time that passes, the more danger Dizzie could be in. Maybe he fell through the ice and ended up in the river! This thing is bigger than us. We can't let Dizzie down. It's time to call in professional help.

Cali: I'm on it, Lilly Faye. I'll phone my local police contacts, and have them alert the State Police and the Coast Guard.

Mr. Frank: I'll call the TV stations and the newspaper, Doll.

Lilly Faye: Alfie, let's call everybody we can think of who ever met Diz.

While back at the igloo...

Dizzie: I wonder if I should call Alfie and the Boss, and let them know I won't be around for awhile? 

Nah, their phones are busy, and it's time for SportsCenter. I'll call them tomorrow.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Building a Better Snowman

Mr. Frank: What do you think, Doll?

Lilly Faye: He's a little short, Frank.

Lilly Faye: And he needs a face. Don't forget to give him a face.

Mr. Frank: How does he look now?

Lilly Faye: Better, but he only has one arm. Can't you find another arm for him?

Mr. Frank: There. Now he has two matching arms.

Mr. Frank: I think he looks pretty good, myself. Don't you agree, Doll?

Lilly Faye: He looks very nice, Frank. Thank you.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Dizzie Goes to the Academy Awards

Dear Readers,
The Academy Awards ceremony took place last night in Hollywood. It's hard to believe another year has gone by! Luckily for us, my blog intern Dizzie attended the ceremony, and is back with all of the exciting details.

Lilly Faye: Welcome home, Diz. You look different! What happened to your hair?

Mr. Frank: Yeah, you're looking a little frou-frou there, buddy.

Dizzie: I've been styled! My pal Chad from the television show Scandalous Hollywood Insiders Tonight phoned me on Friday and said his boss really liked the work I did for them at the Golden Globes. Chad asked if I'd come out to Hollywood, all expenses paid, to report on the Academy Awards. I said, heck yes!

Lilly Faye: How exciting! Where did they put you up? The Beverly Hills Hotel? The Chateau Marmont?

Dizzie: I slept on Chad's couch. I think it was Ikea. Anyway, his show's hair and makeup lady styled me for Oscar night. I think she was trying to make me look like Matisse. She watched the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on television last week, and saw Matisse win both the Portuguese Water Dog Best of Breed and Best of Working Group.

Lilly Faye: Well you look very fancy, Diz. It's going to take some getting used to. Now, tell us about the Oscars.

Dizzie: Neil Patrick Harris hosted the show. Unfortunately, most of his jokes were pretty lame. He probably didn't write them himself. He certainly seemed to be trying hard, but he should have listened to me and kept his pants on. I mean, there was Meryl sitting down front, keeping it classy as usual, and out comes Neil Patrick in his underwear.

Lilly Faye: I thought the acceptance speeches were interesting, and the musical performances were excellent. Lady Gaga surprised everyone by singing a Sound of Music medley to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the movie's release. Julie Andrews gave Gaga's performance her stamp of approval, and you can't do better than that.

Dizzie: I was dancing in the aisle while Tegan and Sara and The Lonely Island performed my favorite song, "Everything is Awesome."

Lilly Faye: John Legend and rapper Common received a standing ovation when they performed "Glory" from the movie Selma.

Dizzie: Right Boss. And now we know their real names are John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn. I wasn't sure who the announcer was talking about at first!

Lilly Faye: Do you have anything more for us, Diz?

Dizzie: I told Ellar Coltrane how much you loved Boyhood, Boss. And Frank, I showed Channing Tatum your Magic Frank XXL Valentine and he told me he has a couple of moves he can teach you.

Mr. Frank: Are you serious?

Lilly Faye: Woof!

Lilly Faye: Thanks for your report, Diz. I know our readers appreciate it.

And there you have it, folks. I hope some of your favorites took home an Oscar last night!

Lilly Faye