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Monday, September 29, 2014

A Bird in the Hand...

Alfie Cat: What can I do for you today, Lilly Faye?

Lilly Faye: Two more blog readers in Italy have sent me messages in Italian, along with their photos. I'd like you to help me figure out what they say.

The first one is from Luigi in Venice.

Alfie Cat: I'm no expert in Italian, but according to Google Translate, it looks like Luigi is dissing Franco, the poodle from Amalfi who wrote to you last week. Luigi says his friends tell him dogs from Amalfi are not to be trusted, especially ones wearing bow ties. Luigi wants you to choose him, instead.

Lilly Faye: Luigi is cute, but I thought Franco was pretty cute, too, and I liked Franco's bow tie.

The second message is from Paolo, also in Venice. 

Alfie Cat: Paolo says your neighbor, Mr. Frank the English Bulldog, is too big for such a little girl. 

Paolo is suggesting that he is just the right size for you.

Lilly Faye: Oh, my. All this attention is very flattering, but these Italian dogs really come on strong. They are serious flirts!

Besides, Mr. Frank and I are in the early stages of a relationship. What am I going to do?

Alfie Cat: I never thought I'd say these words, Lilly Faye, but your neighbor Frank may be your best bet.

Lilly Faye: Frank does treat me very well.

Alfie Cat: And he can cook!

Dear Readers,
Sometimes we let our heads be turned by those who are out of reach, instead of appreciating the qualities of the nice guy right next door.

Lilly Faye

Thursday, September 25, 2014

You're Playing My Song

Mr. Frank: Hey, Doll Face, are you home?

Lilly Faye: I'm up here, Frank. Come sit a spell.

Mr. Frank: I'm here to apologize. I'm as sorry as can be that our first date didn't turn out the way I planned it.

Lilly Faye: You had some good ideas. You brought me flowers.

Mr. Frank: Sure, but after I picked them from the best garden in the neighborhood, I accidentally sat on them.

Lilly Faye: It could happen to anybody, Frank.

Mr. Frank: Then I got us tossed out of that fancy restaurant before the entree course.

Lilly Faye: I think the chef was insulted when you barged into the kitchen and questioned his culinary taste.

Mr. Frank: Who does that to shrimp? I had to say something.

Lilly Faye: At least they kicked us out before the bill came. 

Besides, it wasn't that I minded so much when you went to question the chef, it was more about being left behind to watch your tuba by myself. Why did you insist on bringing it along, anyway?

Mr. Frank: I didn't dare leave it in the car. It's a valuable instrument.

Lilly Faye: Maybe next time you could leave your tuba at home.

Mr. Frank: I wanted to have it with me when I took you to the jazz club after dinner. I was certain Trombone Shorty would ask me to come onstage and play a set with him as a professional courtesy, one brass player to another. I hoped to impress you.

Lilly Faye: The room was dark and crowded. He probably didn't see you waving at him, Frank.

Mr. Frank: Even from the audience, hearing Trombone Shorty play was a transcendent experience.

Lilly Faye: Thank you for taking me to see him, Frank. His performance was a revelation for me, too.

Mr. Frank: Wait a minute, Doll Face. You said "next time." Does that mean you're willing to go out with me again?

Lilly Faye: Sure, Frank. The first half of the evening was a bust, but when things started going wrong, you didn't get mad, or yell, or throw things. And most importantly, you didn't try to blame me or anybody else. You stayed your quiet, steady self. Self-control is a very attractive quality, Frank. I was impressed.

Mr. Frank: Have I told you how beautiful you are, Lilly Faye?

Lilly Faye: Tee-hee. You're making me blush, Frank!

Frank: Pucker up, baby. Smooch!

Monday, September 22, 2014

Love Makes the World Go 'Round

Lilly Faye: Look, Diz. An Italian fan read our movie review of The Trip to Italy, and sent me photos of himself. His name is Franco. He says something in Italian. I think he's flirting with me! What do you think?

Dizzie: I think I would look dapper in a bow tie like he's wearing. What color would look best on me, Boss? Red? No, yellow. Yellow with white dots! It would go with my eyes, and bring out the red highlights in my hair. Do you know where I could find a snazzy bow tie like that?

Lilly Faye: I have no idea.

Look, Alfie! I have a fan in Italy! He looks so handsome and debonaire. He wrote me a love note in Italian. Isn't that romantic?

Alfie Cat: I don't know how romantic it is, Lilly Faye. According to Google Translate, he wants you to meet him behind the bushes. I think he's propositioning you.

Lilly Faye: Tee-hee!


Lilly Faye: Look, Cali. I have an admirer in Italy. He sent me photos of himself. Isn't it exciting?

Cali: Be careful, Lilly Faye. Lonely, older females are often approached online by someone in another country hoping to score money or a green card, or both. They told us all about it in the Citizen's Police Academy. Would you like me to have my police sources contact INTERPOL and find out if he's on any lists?

Lilly Faye: No. And I'm not lonely!

Even later...

Lilly Faye: Hello, Frank.

Mr. Frank: Who's that in the picture?

Lilly Faye: That's my new Italian boyfriend. Isn't he handsome?

Mr. Frank: Boyfriend? Huh! Where'd you meet him?

Lilly Faye: We haven't actually met. He read my blog, and sent me a note and photos of himself. His name is Franco. Don't you just love it?

Mr. Frank: Of course I do. It's my name. He spells it wrong, though.

Lilly Faye: He calls me his little American rose. I think it's all very romantic.

Mr. Frank: I don't see what's so romantic about it. He's half a world away. There's no future in it.

Lilly Faye: Well, it's not like I'm dating anyone else at the moment.

Mr. Frank: I thought you and I were keeping company, Doll Face.

Lilly Faye: I guess we are, after a fashion, but we haven't been on any real dates, now have we?

Mr. Frank: That's because I've been busking my butt off, trying to save for my future restaurant. And every night I'm working my paws to the bone, slicing and dicing, and creating new recipes. 

Lilly Faye: You should stop and smell the roses, Frank.

Mr. Frank: All right, Doll Face. If that's what it takes to make you happy, I'll take you out on the town. Wear something nice. It's gonna be a night to remember.

Dear Readers,

I guess I'd better make an appointment to have my hair done!

Lilly Faye