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Monday, January 26, 2015

Letting the Air Out

Dear Readers,

There's a story in the news of such massive importance to the well-being of the nation, that I feel we cannot overlook it here at the blog. It's called Deflate-gate. It seems someone on one of the teams heading to Sunday's Super Bowl may have broken the rules by deflating not one, not two, but eleven or more of the footballs they used to win the AFC championship game.

Here with me to discuss Deflate-gate are two ball experts, my blog intern Dizzie, and my boyfriend Frank. Welcome, boys.

Dizzie: Hey.

Mr. Frank: Thanks for having me, Doll.

Lilly Faye: We know the footballs in question didn't simply leak a little air, since they were under-inflated by as much as two pounds per square inch. As a frame of reference, I weigh 12 pounds.

Diz, please explain why someone would want to let the air out of their game ball.

Dizzie: A deflated ball gives you a better grip. It's easier to catch, carry, and throw. I deflate all my balls as soon as I get them.

Lilly Faye: You do?

Dizzie: Sure, I'm not ashamed to admit it. The bigger question is, did the perpetrator take the squeakers out?

Lilly Faye: I don't think NFL footballs have squeakers in them, Diz.

Dizzie: Are you sure about that, Boss? The players might be removing them. That's what I'd do. The League should check on that.

Lilly Faye: Frank, what's your position on this issue?

Mr. Frank: I take good care of my balls. I like to keep them looking like new. I don't vandalize them in any way.

Dizzie: Where's the fun in that?

Mr. Frank: It's not necessary to destroy things to enjoy them.

Lilly Faye: All right boys, calm down. You're free to do whatever you want with your own balls.

The point is, professional games are played by a set of rules, and someone broke the rules in an effort to gain an unfair advantage. That's unsportsmanlike conduct, and whoever did it should be ashamed of themselves.

Dizzie: You're right, Boss.

Mr. Frank: Agreed.

Lilly Faye: Let's all remember that when we're watching the big game on Sunday, folks.

Lilly Faye

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